I am riding a dino!
Holy shit balls people.
We are FOUR days away from celebrating the 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY of “The Positive Experiment!”
I remember the day the Experiment was born. I was in the first session of a class that was meant to help creative people take control of their careers. I had been in a funk with my work and while I had some success in my field, I wasn’t happy, satisfied or had any feeling of security with my work. I joined the class because not only did I like the teacher, but I also felt that the course could be the swift kick in the pants that I needed to get me towards my goals.
There were about ten of us in the room, each with a printed name tag and sheets of paper that held our homework we had been asked to complete before coming to class. The homework was to write down your goals, your dreams, and announce them to the class. So, one by one, we all got up in front of the room of strangers. We listed our names, where we were from, a brief odd fact about ourselves, and then read off our list of goals.
Now, I have always had a hard time dreaming big. I had been burned so many times by dreaming “big” that I learned to dream “small” so that I wouldn’t be disappointed if things didn’t work out. The week before my class I sat in front of my computer staring at a blank word document literally trying to wring goals out of my head. I would type something down and then end up erasing it. It was awful. I eventually resorted to scribbling down my goals on a piece of scrap paper a couple hours before the class.
My list looked something like this:
1. Take the next step in my career
2. Do “x” amount of jobs by “y” amount of time
3. Learn to network better
My goals were… a bit boring and a bit general but I couldn’t think of anything else to write.
So, back at class, my classmates are going up one by one, listing off their glorious well prepared goals and dreams. As each person went up, I became more and more insecure about my list. I began to feel that little monster named jealousy creep into my belly. All my peers had lovely, rich, beautiful dreams, delicious dreams. creative and fulfilling dreams. I began to question what I was doing here in this class with all these dreamers. AND THEN IT WAS MY TURN.
I remember getting up and clutching my little list in my hand, crinkling the paper so it made a noise. I remember apologizing for the noise and then taking a deep breath and going through all the motions.
“Hi, I’m Liz. I like Hello Kitty and Star Trek. Um…”
AND THIS IS WHERE IT GOT SUPER INTERESTING
“And… I want to change the way I think.”
WHAT THE F*CK!?!?!? That wasn’t on the list! That was no where NEAR anything on the list.
It was in that moment, that single moment, that my subconscious came up and vomited out what I really needed. I realized that I was sick and tired of feeling scared and frightened all the time. I was exhausted from always second guessing myself. I couldn’t take comparing myself to others anymore. I couldn’t deal with living in fear and regret. I didn’t want to let jealousy and insecurities rule my life anymore.
I needed to change.
I needed to change immediately.
As I drove home from class, I realized that the only way I would actually change my thinking would be to keep a record. Furthermore, I needed to be held accountable to my goal by as many people as possible. That night, I sat down at my computer, created a WordPress account, and started typing.
Thus, “The Positive Experiment” was born.
Originally “The Positive Experiment” was supposed to be a six week blog and, obviously, ended up being a year. So, what have a learned in this year? How much have I changed?
Am I super positive now?
Do I say namaste to strangers on the street?
Do flowers pop up out of the ground from where I have stepped?
Do puppies and rainbows follow my every move?!!
No. Of course not. Although, I wish puppies did follow my every move.
Over the course of this year I have learned so much about myself, others, and the power of positive thinking and action. I have learned that being human is a complicated and tricky thing. I have learned how to have honest conversations with myself. I have learned how to say “yes” and how to say “no.” Most importantly, however, I have learned to be easier on myself.
Do I still have negative thoughts? YES. But instead of indulging in those thoughts for weeks, months, years, I find that I am able to let go of things faster and with an ease that surprises me.
Has it been easy? HELL NO. Writing a new blog post every week hurts my brain sometimes. But what is easy is knowing that I have wonderful supportive readers who have been kind enough to give me a helping hand when times have gotten rough.
And that leads me to my parting thought:
THANK YOU. Thank you to all my readers, followers, subscribers, friends, family, and supporters. I am indebted to the amount of love you have given me this year. I send you unicorn kisses and high fives for being so awesome.
Will I continue this blog?
Well…I guess, you’ll just have to tune into the video blog that I’m doing on the actual date of our one year anniversary (May 20th, 2011) to find out 😉
Oh, did I mention I’m doing a give away to celebrate our anniversary? It wouldn’t be a party without gifts and goodies.