Tag Archives: inspiration
Holy shit balls people.
We are FOUR days away from celebrating the 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY of “The Positive Experiment!”
I remember the day the Experiment was born. I was in the first session of a class that was meant to help creative people take control of their careers. I had been in a funk with my work and while I had some success in my field, I wasn’t happy, satisfied or had any feeling of security with my work. I joined the class because not only did I like the teacher, but I also felt that the course could be the swift kick in the pants that I needed to get me towards my goals.
There were about ten of us in the room, each with a printed name tag and sheets of paper that held our homework we had been asked to complete before coming to class. The homework was to write down your goals, your dreams, and announce them to the class. So, one by one, we all got up in front of the room of strangers. We listed our names, where we were from, a brief odd fact about ourselves, and then read off our list of goals.
Now, I have always had a hard time dreaming big. I had been burned so many times by dreaming “big” that I learned to dream “small” so that I wouldn’t be disappointed if things didn’t work out. The week before my class I sat in front of my computer staring at a blank word document literally trying to wring goals out of my head. I would type something down and then end up erasing it. It was awful. I eventually resorted to scribbling down my goals on a piece of scrap paper a couple hours before the class.
My list looked something like this:
1. Take the next step in my career
2. Do “x” amount of jobs by “y” amount of time
3. Learn to network better
My goals were… a bit boring and a bit general but I couldn’t think of anything else to write.
So, back at class, my classmates are going up one by one, listing off their glorious well prepared goals and dreams. As each person went up, I became more and more insecure about my list. I began to feel that little monster named jealousy creep into my belly. All my peers had lovely, rich, beautiful dreams, delicious dreams. creative and fulfilling dreams. I began to question what I was doing here in this class with all these dreamers. AND THEN IT WAS MY TURN.
I remember getting up and clutching my little list in my hand, crinkling the paper so it made a noise. I remember apologizing for the noise and then taking a deep breath and going through all the motions.
“Hi, I’m Liz. I like Hello Kitty and Star Trek. Um…”
AND THIS IS WHERE IT GOT SUPER INTERESTING
“And… I want to change the way I think.”
WHAT THE F*CK!?!?!? That wasn’t on the list! That was no where NEAR anything on the list.
It was in that moment, that single moment, that my subconscious came up and vomited out what I really needed. I realized that I was sick and tired of feeling scared and frightened all the time. I was exhausted from always second guessing myself. I couldn’t take comparing myself to others anymore. I couldn’t deal with living in fear and regret. I didn’t want to let jealousy and insecurities rule my life anymore.
I needed to change.
I needed to change immediately.
As I drove home from class, I realized that the only way I would actually change my thinking would be to keep a record. Furthermore, I needed to be held accountable to my goal by as many people as possible. That night, I sat down at my computer, created a WordPress account, and started typing.
Originally “The Positive Experiment” was supposed to be a six week blog and, obviously, ended up being a year. So, what have a learned in this year? How much have I changed?
Am I super positive now?
Do I say namaste to strangers on the street?
Do flowers pop up out of the ground from where I have stepped?
Do puppies and rainbows follow my every move?!!
No. Of course not. Although, I wish puppies did follow my every move.
Over the course of this year I have learned so much about myself, others, and the power of positive thinking and action. I have learned that being human is a complicated and tricky thing. I have learned how to have honest conversations with myself. I have learned how to say “yes” and how to say “no.” Most importantly, however, I have learned to be easier on myself.
Do I still have negative thoughts? YES. But instead of indulging in those thoughts for weeks, months, years, I find that I am able to let go of things faster and with an ease that surprises me.
Has it been easy? HELL NO. Writing a new blog post every week hurts my brain sometimes. But what is easy is knowing that I have wonderful supportive readers who have been kind enough to give me a helping hand when times have gotten rough.
And that leads me to my parting thought:
THANK YOU. Thank you to all my readers, followers, subscribers, friends, family, and supporters. I am indebted to the amount of love you have given me this year. I send you unicorn kisses and high fives for being so awesome.
Will I continue this blog?
Well…I guess, you’ll just have to tune into the video blog that I’m doing on the actual date of our one year anniversary (May 20th, 2011) to find out 😉
Oh, did I mention I’m doing a give away to celebrate our anniversary? It wouldn’t be a party without gifts and goodies.
I am really fidgity right now.
I cannot concentrate.
I am having a hell of a time trying to write this week’s blog post.
I can’t find the “right” music to blog to.
I can’t find any inspiration online, in my books, in my life.
I am drained.
I am physically and mentally D R A I N E D from the past 3 weeks.
I count my blessings every night.
I AM grateful for being so busy.
I AM living the life I want.
I HAVE the power to change.
But man, I would really like a day off…ok…maybe two or three off…
I would really like to sleep in and get up late. Snuggle deeper into my sheets and read a book. After I’ve plowed my way through half of a book, I’d like to get up, stretch and eat a really awesome brunch. I’d get a bit dressed up, wearing clothes that make me feel flirty and fun. I’d meet up with friends and have the kind of lazy brunch where everyone just lallygags around for hours, eating off each other’s plates, sipping mimosas and french pressed coffee. Then we’d all part ways, sated, happy, and sad to be leaving each other. On my way home, I’d go for a walk in my favorite gardens and take a nap outside in the shade of a tree. I’d eventually make it back home where I’d immediately change into my pajamas again and clean out my dvr of all the show’s I haven’t caught up on. I’d eat Chinese and Greek food for dinner with my bf. The television would be off by that point and we’d just lounge around talking about life and making each other laugh. I’d wash up, crawl into bed, try to finish the book I started that day, and very slowly drift off to sleep.
I am lucky. I am blessed. I am grateful.
I’d just like a day off.
“Just don’t give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don’t think you can go wrong.” –Ella Fitzgerald
I was going through the stacks at one of my favorite independent bookstores here in Los Angeles and I found these fabulous cards by SARK called “Sark’s Creative Dream Game”. SARK is a inspirational and creative author. I have been a fan of hers for over a decade (wow, times sure does pass quickly). I hadn’t read any of her books recently but when I found these cards I knew I had to get them. I’m always looking for tools to supplement my creative journey. This deck of 50 cards give you fun games and inspirational things to do to jog your creative juices. I’ve had a lot of fun in these past couple of days just playing with the deck.
This is the card that I randomly picked right before I sat down to write this blog:
So, I did what the card told me to do, I reached out for good things and called her “Inspiration Line”. As soon as the machine picked up, I was immediately serenaded by SARK herself, singing “Amazing Grace” (um, awesome). She spoke about the joy of finishing her new book and ended with some wonderful tidbits of wisdom. One of which, really stood out to me: “give yourself tender acceptance of your resistances”. Uh, what? Hold up, I should be kind to all the parts of myself? Even the ones that I don’t like or are really negative? Well, duh! How can you be kind to others if you cannot be kind to yourself? We are all aware of this truth but constantly need to be reminded of it.
Thanksgiving is all about, obviously, being grateful, but also reaching out for the good stuff in life and reminding us to be kind to ourselves and to others. This Thanksgiving, I challenge you to give yourself the permission to be kind to your WHOLE self. Go ahead! You deserve it. Happy Thanksgiving!